Have you ever had someone tell you that they weren’t interested in having a relationship with you? That may be a devastating thing to hear.
Did you find it hard to let go? Can you minimize the message and hang on to a dream hoping that with time the person would change their mind?
Unfortunately, once we feel lonely or needy, it is easy to fall into a fantasy world where reality is downplayed.
Feeling sorry for people may also keep us trapped in unhealthy relationships where our demands aren’t met. We try harder and harder to help another person without anything in return except disrespect and abuse.
Fear is an emotion that can stop us from setting up healthy boundaries. When we think that we will disappoint, upset or lose another individual we can sacrifice our personal needs repeatedly until we’re miserable and ill.
In it, he tells the stories of clients he has treated who suffered from severe diseases such as cancer, Parkinson’s and Multiple Sclerosis. They all had something in common. Every one of them was focussed on meeting the needs of others and ignoring the trauma that they had experienced in their own lives.
We have all heard about how Type A individuals are extremely goal-oriented and competitive. They push forward with passion until they get what they want. Type B personalities are more balanced and less stressed about life. Mate’s profiles are what he describes as Type C. These are people who may appear to be silent and thoughtful but under the surface are frustrated and angry. Rather than asserting themselves, they tend to concentrate on pacifying others. Since they push down their feelings and deny needs, their bodies break down.
Healthy relationships have several things in common:
1. Communication is clear and admired. When someone says something, another person believes them and respects the message.
2. Boundaries are good. Each individual knows where they cease, and another person begins. They take responsibility for their own activities and permit another person to be accountable for their actions.
3. Forgiveness is given but negative patterns are faced rather than forgiven repeatedly without change being witnessed.
4. Needs are recognized for both parties and every person endeavors to help them be fulfilled.
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We are living in an age of speed where we are used to getting what we need fast. Entering a relationship quickly, however, can be misleading because occasionally people have a tendency to say what they think you want to hear instead of reveal who they really are.
It is better to take time to get to know another person before you enter a serious relationship. It takes time and not only words to make an accurate assessment.
And bear in mind, you can meet a lot of wonderful people but that does not mean that they are a great match for you! You need to know yourself and your own needs before you may find the most appropriate partner.
Finally, if you are more dedicated to another than they are to you, it is time to look in the mirror. Perhaps you will need to take suitable actions to improve your situation.
Wishing and hoping just are not enough!